


A Silence Too Long

by ScribblesOnPebbles



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Established Relationship, Established Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, John is sad, Kissing, M/M, Swearing, they talk about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25691491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribblesOnPebbles/pseuds/ScribblesOnPebbles
Summary: “Sometimes I don't talk for days on end. Would that bother you?”“No, of course not.”•••••It bothered him.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 128





	A Silence Too Long

_“Sometimes I don't talk for days on end. Would that bother you?”_

_“No, of course not.”_

****

It bothered him. 

John should have known better, really. He had always sought out companionship whether it was with his rugby mates, his trusted comrades from the army, random blokes at the bar or the various women he had dated. Having someone else’s presence beside him with their attention and smile on him like a spotlight felt good to him. While it sounded self-centered, it was more like he was glad to have reassurance that someone acknowledged his existence, and maybe even cared for him. 

And then Sherlock Holmes waltzed into his life. Belstaff coat, cheekbones and all. He was danger dangling on a chain in front of him and John chased after him like it was the only thing he ever knew. Sherlock focused his mind on the Game so it wasn’t often he would have his brilliant flatmate’s attention on him, but when he did… bloody _hell_ , he would get goosebumps and tingles throughout his spine from Sherlock’s hyperattentive gaze on him analyzing every crinkle of his eyes or twitch of his fingers. 

After they started a romantic relationship, John thought that it would be fine. He had Sherlock, who would look at him with a mischievous gleam in his eyes before they catapulted into adventures that would leave a rush in his body for weeks. Sherlock, who completed him and cherished him. 

It’s because it was Sherlock that things would never be so easy. 

“I’m putting biscuits and water on the table,” John slowly said while setting the tray down. He eyed his unmoving flatmate on the sofa, the man not even blinking when John had come into view. 

It was day 9 of what John called _Sherlock on Silent Mode_. His boyfriend hadn’t spoken a single word to him and rarely moved other than to grab whatever was on the tray and thoughtfully munch it down or to get up and use the loo. The strange part was that there wasn’t even a case going on—they hadn’t had any cases for a while now. John told himself that there must be a good reason behind it all. Perhaps some top secret mission from Mycroft he couldn’t tell him, or he was thinking of an earlier case they couldn’t solve. No matter what rationalizations he came up with, loneliness still found a way to creep up on him. The times he had gone out for a pint with Greg or chatted up with Mrs. Hudson never satisfied him like the way he ran around London with Sherlock or even the small moments between them like watching crap telly. 

He would get through this slump. It was far from the first time Sherlock cooped up in his mind, although nine days was a record time for it. Besides, from their introduction Sherlock had explained himself. 

_“Potential flatmates should know the worst about each other,”_ he had spoken and looked at John with a scrutinising gaze. ‘The worst’ weren’t eyeballs in the microwave or the man’s massive arrogance, rather, Sherlock had deduced that the worst for John was in fact him not talking for days on end. 

This brought him to keeping Sherlock hydrated and fed during this period and to push down the instincts of wanting to jump on the man and shake him into awareness. Sherlock had warned him about this from the very start so it wasn’t in his right to complain. 

“I miss you,” John whispered, his voice cracking on the last word. He brought a hand up to pet at the dark curls. No reaction as usual. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that John realized he could feel his bottom lip trembling.

****

Day 11. Sherlock blinked rapidly and John was by his side in a second. 

“How are you feeling?” John spoke with an uneven tempo. “Do… do you need anything?”

“John?” Sherlock’s voice was groggy as he sat up slowly. When he turned his head to get a proper look at John, his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly as he took in his appearance. “Your complexion is pale, no color in your cheeks. Eyes red and faintly puffy. Just now your voice quivered…” the detective’s eyes widened, “Oh.” Long arms then wrapped around John’s waist.

“Sher—?” He was cut off by a surge of strength from Sherlock, the lankier man pulling him down on the sofa and shifting until John was lying comfortably on top of his lover. One strong arm was across his back to clutch him tighter. His free hand worked through John’s hair, caressing with long fingers. John’s head was tucked under Sherlock’s chin and the former could feel his soft breathing.

“I’m sorry,” Sherlock murmured, the vibrations of his voice felt in John’s body. From being held so warmly by his lover, John couldn’t help but bury himself into Sherlock’s neck and let out shaky sobs. Hot tears seared at his eyes blurring his vision while he bunched his hands in the other’s shirt weakly. He breathed in Sherlock’s scent and focused on his soothing touches that told him he was there with him, that he wasn’t going to leave. Baritone mutterings of apologies were pressed into his hair; an ‘I love you’ a whisper of tenderness. John nestled in further to let himself be consumed by Sherlock. 

A half an hour passed, they felt as if they were the only ones in the world. John’s head was clearing, his sobs turning into quiet sniffling. Sherlock was humming softly and never faltered his pace of brushing his hand through the fair blond hair. 

“Sherlock…” he started, his throat dry, “I-I’m okay now. I’m sorry about…what just happened. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Don’t apologize,” came Sherlock’s fond tone. “It’s my fault. I underestimated how you’d feel about this.”

John breathed in sharply, “What, underestimated how needy I am?” He felt frustration boil up in him. “I should be able to handle myself while you’re busy, yet here I am behaving like some kicked puppy,” his face was getting hot with shame, “Christ, Sherlock, _I’m a grown man_. A doctor. A soldier.”

“And you are my lover. You deserve to be treated as such and here I had failed to do so.” He squeezed the smaller man tighter, “John, you mean _everything_ to me. I am so sorry.” John let out a sigh and melted himself into Sherlock again, embracing their closeness.

After a few minutes, John eventually mustered, “What were you doing anyways?”

“I…” his partner paused and sucked his lips in. “It has been eleven days, correct?”

John tilted his head, “Um, yes.”

Sherlock nodded and took a long breath. “I had researched about dating and I discovered that anniversaries are of importance. Our anniversary of when we officially became… boyfriend and boyfriend—” he scrunched his nose a bit, still not used to relating to them in such insipid terms, “—is coming up in one week. I thought we could solve a cold case on our anniversary and go somewhere nice to eat. I had been in my Mind Palace, simulating each option and figuring out which one you would enjoy the most.”

John’s mouth hung open. “Bloody hell, I had forgotten all about our anniversary. Well, now I feel like a bastard, you were being thoughtful the whole time while I—”

“That’s not the point, John,” Sherlock interjected. “It’s no excuse. I went into one of my trances without saying anything to you. I will strive to put an end to that.” 

Head shaking, John spoke, “I don’t mind if you don’t tell me beforehand but… please don’t leave for so long.” He sounded so small. 

Sherlock cradled his lover, “I promise,” he kissed him lightly on his forehead. “And in return, can you...” he trailed off and the blond nudged him quizzically before Sherlock found his words, “I need you to know that you do not need to be ashamed of your emotions when they arise. Your strength does not suddenly disappear if you cry. I know I’m not the poster child for sentiment, but,” Sherlock bit his lip, “I hate seeing you beat yourself up like this.”

Silence fell between them as John let the words process. “Alright, I’ll try,” he said quietly. God knows how he had mastered pushing down the pain that threatened to bubble up inside him. It was necessary on the battlefield. “It’s hard, Sherlock, but I’ll try.” 

“Thank you,” Sherlock’s voice was soft. John untucked his head and shifted so he could press a kiss to the other’s chapped lips. Sherlock deepened the kiss. When they pulled back for air, the corner of Sherlock’s lips were tugged. “You know,” he quirked his eyebrow, “I can’t have you on me like this all day. You’re quite heavy.” 

“Oh, sod off,” he huffed. “You’ve had criminals three times your weight tackle you. I’m sure you can handle me,” John snuggled deeper into the warmth of his lover. Sherlock smiled and with an appreciative nuzzle to him, they were lulled to sleep, sound in each other’s arms. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know how I feel about this one or where I was going with it so leave your thoughts! Also this isn't betaed, so all mistakes are mine! Thanks for reading!
> 
> Again, comments and feedback are very encouraged!! They mean a lot to me <3  
> ┊  
> ✧･ﾟ  
> You can reach out to me on Tumblr: [ScribblesOnPebbles](https://scribblesonpebbles.tumblr.com/)


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